ok so the last few days just have been emothionally hard to get threw. I'm not in the best of moods and I feel like I'm alone. Like there is noone to talk to that will understand. And it's not that there is one particular thing that is bothering me, it several things all building together to give me this feeling. From money issues, friends or lack there of, to feeling like a faliure. Is this were I want to be, is this what I want to be doing with my time? Is there something else that I should be doing? Should I go back to school, or should I ride this one out and see where it takes me? Should I switch departments at work and take on more stress, and only get paid $1 more than I do now, or should I stay where I am and keep my sainity. Then there's home, should I be mad at her for doing what I think is a really bad idea, considering that it effects were I live, or should I just let it be. I mean I dont know him, why is he getting a key to our apartment!? why is it that he says hes homeless. Whats the reason his family wont let him stay with them, there has to be a reason that he has no where to go. I shouldnt have to lock stuff up in my own apt but thats what i do because when I'm gone at work its the only thing that makes me feel remotely like I am going to come home and all my things are still there. And yeah maybe I dont have all the finest things in the world. But the few things I do have I want them to still be there when I get home from work each day. And then there the fact that I have been working on the days that I normally would have off since money is tight right now, and after being sick and out of work for 10 days with puenmonia, it did a major toll on my pay check. Then there's the medical bills and since medical insurance isnt going to be offered till may 1st, I have the pleasure of paying for my ER visit. Which happens to be $1300.00! Were I'm supposed to find that kind of money I have no Idea. I this whole being sick, put me behind almost a full paycheck, I was living paycheck to paycheck before, but at lease I was making it and didnt have to barrow from people. But after this last one, I dont know how I'm gonna come back from that. I have been working as much overtime as they will allow me to work. I have given up my saturdays off to pick up hours at work. And at the same time, the babysitting schedule that I was doing changed so now I am not needed for both families and that's a loss to the budget as well. Every penny counted and now I'm stuck! My sister keeps telling me to get a new job one that pays more, or has better insurance. Do you know that I have applied for so many jobs been interviewed, put on waiting list, gone threw all the testing for the jobs, just to not get it. or be told your still on the list but theres no guarentee. I have applied for the fire dispatcher at MFD, and I am on the list but I'm number 14, I hope that one day I will get called. But it's not a guarentee I will. I have applied at West Allis for dispatching 3 times, interview, got the inside tip and told he really like you, he told me your in! but that never happened, he decided to hier the chiefs daughter instead. I am over qualified for some jobs and been turned away for that reason, but yet the other jobs that I really want I'm at deadlock! All I can do is wait to be called for the MFD job, which is the one I have worked so hard to get. First you had to be selected to take the initial test 80 people made the cut, then from 80, 30 were interview and retested, then 15 made the list.
And let me just add in that my sister telling me I need a new job, ok fine I get that she is worried to. But tell me how crappy does it look on a resume that with in 4 years I have had 4 jobs. Granted I got laid off from 2 quit 1, but If i quit another one that doesnt look good at all. And It totally shows something to employers that isnt true about me. I am a very dedicated person and I am always willing to work hard at my jobs, and give the best that I can. But that is totally going to tell an employer that I give up easy, and thats not me at all.
I'm just stuck and I dont know how to fix this..........
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