I'm just stuck and I dont know how to fix this..........

ok so the last few days just have been emothionally hard to get threw. I'm not in the best of moods and I feel like I'm alone. Like there is noone to talk to that will understand. And it's not that there is one particular thing that is bothering me, it several things all building together to give me this feeling. From money issues, friends or lack there of, to feeling like a faliure. Is this were I want to be, is this what I want to be doing with my time? Is there something else that I should be doing? Should I go back to school, or should I ride this one out and see where it takes me? Should I switch departments at work and take on more stress, and only get paid $1 more than I do now, or should I stay where I am and keep my sainity. Then there's home, should I be mad at her for doing what I think is a really bad idea, considering that it effects were I live, or should I just let it be. I mean I dont know him, why is he getting a key to our apartment!? why is it that he says hes homeless. Whats the reason his family wont let him stay with them, there has to be a reason that he has no where to go. I shouldnt have to lock stuff up in my own apt but thats what i do because when I'm gone at work its the only thing that makes me feel remotely like I am going to come home and all my things are still there. And yeah maybe I dont have all the finest things in the world. But the few things I do have I want them to still be there when I get home from work each day. And then there the fact that I have been working on the days that I normally would have off since money is tight right now, and after being sick and out of work for 10 days with puenmonia, it did a major toll on my pay check. Then there's the medical bills and since medical insurance isnt going to be offered till may 1st, I have the pleasure of paying for my ER visit. Which happens to be $1300.00! Were I'm supposed to find that kind of money I have no Idea. I this whole being sick, put me behind almost a full paycheck, I was living paycheck to paycheck before, but at lease I was making it and didnt have to barrow from people. But after this last one, I dont know how I'm gonna come back from that. I have been working as much overtime as they will allow me to work. I have given up my saturdays off to pick up hours at work. And at the same time, the babysitting schedule that I was doing changed so now I am not needed for both families and that's a loss to the budget as well. Every penny counted and now I'm stuck! My sister keeps telling me to get a new job one that pays more, or has better insurance. Do you know that I have applied for so many jobs been interviewed, put on waiting list, gone threw all the testing for the jobs, just to not get it. or be told your still on the list but theres no guarentee. I have applied for the fire dispatcher at MFD, and I am on the list but I'm number 14, I hope that one day I will get called. But it's not a guarentee I will. I have applied at West Allis for dispatching 3 times, interview, got the inside tip and told he really like you, he told me your in! but that never happened, he decided to hier the chiefs daughter instead. I am over qualified for some jobs and been turned away for that reason, but yet the other jobs that I really want I'm at deadlock! All I can do is wait to be called for the MFD job, which is the one I have worked so hard to get. First you had to be selected to take the initial test 80 people made the cut, then from 80, 30 were interview and retested, then 15 made the list.

And let me just add in that my sister telling me I need a new job, ok fine I get that she is worried to. But tell me how crappy does it look on a resume that with in 4 years I have had 4 jobs. Granted I got laid off from 2 quit 1, but If i quit another one that doesnt look good at all. And It totally shows something to employers that isnt true about me. I am a very dedicated person and I am always willing to work hard at my jobs, and give the best that I can. But that is totally going to tell an employer that I give up easy, and thats not me at all.

I'm just stuck and I dont know how to fix this..........

finally feeling better.....

after ...what 6 plus weeks of being sick, i finally feel better and I am starting to get my energy back. I hopeit stays this way. Cause let me tell you being sick is not only draining on the body but on the wallet. With medicine, dr's visit, missing work. Iteffects you much longer than you ever thought it would. I know that I can afford to ever be sick. Especially not while I dont have health insurance.

stupid boy

ok if i have to sit in the training room with the egotistical idiot for 2 week and then a week of greenhouse. I can almost guarentee i will end up going off at him......someone needs to knock him off the pedistle he put himself on.

how inconsiderate !!!

I will not name names on this so dont ask. Just need to vent!

It just makes me crazy how inconsiderate people are of others and there feelings. There are just some people in this world no matter how long they have know you still treat you like crap and i wonder sometimes why I allow these people to be in my life. Sometimes i know its because i feel bad for some people. But seriously why cant you just get your act together. And why do you not give a shit about anyone but yourself. You dont take peoples feeling in to consideration, you cut them off when they talk and turn the entier conversation to you. No matter if they were in the middle of telling you something important, or just trying to talk. You say your gonna hangout and "spend quality time" with people but you loose intrest so quickly that "quality time" is 20-30 min max...maybe and hour if your luck! frankly its irritating and rude. I'm just getting sick of it and frankly cant take much more of this.

ahhhhhhhh......breath........ok i'm done ..................

My 26th Birthday!

The day started out good. The usual calls from the family that woke me up (thanks dad). Then I went to my bosses baby shower. Came home and started getting ready for going out with my sisters and a few friends. Thanks to those that came out.

Started the celebration at the Wicked Hop with dinner and the mose delicious terimasu cake (thank you Yo, Sadie and Sadies dad Miles). After dinner my sisters and I along with my great friend Mindy headed to Sugar Mapel, got joined up by Shaku. Had a great talk. Afterwards my sister and I headed to Comedy Sportz for a Halarious show! It was a great night.

Merrisa capped it off with stopping at Peguses for a midnight snack, then headed home.

Thank you Merrisa and Amanda for making my birthday special! And Thank you to Mindy, Shaku, Crystal, Gina, Christina, Robbie for all joining me threw out the evening. :)

Being sick sucks!!!!

Ok so timeline of this round of being sick...

Start for the forst time on Feb 13th 2010, just started out a cold with runny nose.
and continued for quiet some time. Finally made it to the Walgreens Take care clinic on Feb 25th and they said Broncitis and Sinus Infection, and ear infection. Got the very expensize antibiotic and other meds and started to feel better. Thought that my body was finally rid of all of this.
But then feb 11th, 2010 the cold and runny nose started full force again. It hit me the a train. It got so bad, so quickly that I was coughing so hard that I got sent home from work. Went to the ER on Monday morning and turns out that its Puenmonia. So the Dr of course has ordered another round of antibiotics and other additional treatments. And lots of rest, fluids and vitamins ect. Which also means that I a have been taken away from work till at least monday.
Had to go to the Dr again today and they said continue to rest and added 2 more medicines on top of the 3 the ER gave me. So I feel the a Chemistry experiment. But this experiment does seem to be helping. I really hope this all does the trick! Not only to feel better and not be coughing all the time. But to be able to go back to work. Sitting at home is making me crazy!!

We shall see...wish me luck!

Sunday March 14th, 2010.....YO GABBA GABBA!!!!

Went with Courtney, Lennen and Sara to see Yo Gabba Gabba!!!!! ok i wasnt that excited to watch a kids show live, considering I have seen the show. But I was excited to see Lennen and Courtney. But especially Lennen's face when the show came on.
It turned out to be a good show, favorite part was when Biz Markie came out to do the "beat of the day". bom chu bom bom...and he had the kids come up and sit on his lap and try to do the beat. It was cool to actually see him :)

And of course we followed the show with going to Qudoba for some "Yummy in Tummy ! SO YUMMY!!! "